An Angry Man

I am not a rebel... I am just angry.

Huh, back again...
It seems every couple of years inspiration strikes me and I find myself here, of all places, re-reading my stream of consciousness "articles" (more like whinings). They were suprisingly cathartic, my recollections tell me.

And I think I need that catharsis more than ever.

I just went through some of the worst phases of my life. I will not put it in writing here, for I have no desire to relive it, but I learned one thing: Devotion to the undeserving is torture.

Strangely enough, I am feeling inordinately motivated after so long. I am a man who never completes anything. Soon, I let the life flow by me and my motivation falls flat, and whatever I wish lies unfinished. This time, though, I am feeling motivated, and I write, I do things, I don't just let the world pass by anymore.

But I have people to thank for that. Strangely enough, not people I have been around, those who claimed to love me and care for me, but people that are barely more than complete strangers.

Weird. All it took was the lucky coincidence of two groups independently acting upon my life. One is "Lovehammer Inc.", the people gathered around one thread on the Spacebattles forum. Their positive attitude and feedback, not to mention the gems that keep appearing on the thread on a daily basis without fail for more than a month now, has kept my interest, and with that my motivation and spirit, active for quite some time now. It is a great feeling to create something of such beauty alongside such talented people, and I want to thank them for accepting a talentless hack like me.

The other bunch is the local gaming club, Kule Sakinleri (Dwellers of the Tower). And that place has become a refuge, thanks to the friendship and appreciation they display. It is a good feeling to have a place where everyone knows your name, and where you can just be yourself without anybody judging you. No agendas, just fun. I hate how needlessly Machiavellian human relationships are, and these people, both groups, display a refreshing, and sometimes shocking, sincerity I have not dared to expect from anyone for a long time.

This might look funny to any member of those groups, after all, probably those far better adjusted people just see it only as a bit of fun, nothing else, but thanks to them, I have been feeling a lot better than I have been for the last few years. And for that, even if they would forget me in a couple of months, I would treasure them and the memories for a long time.

Dramatis Personae - 13th Black Crusade, Lovehammer edition
Since it seems I am creating OC's left and right to flesh out the Cadians for the 13th Black Crusade, I will post a preliminary Dramatis Personae here to make it easier to track.

Regiments involved in the Battle of Tyrok Fields:


Cadian 7th
Cadian 8th
Cadian 9th
Cadian 16th
Cadian 19th
Cadian 24th
Cadian 31st
Cadian 99th
Cadian 112th


Cadian 3rd Armored
---31st Heavy Company
---33rd Heavy Company
Cadian 11th Armored
---114th Heavy Company
Cadian 34th Armored
Cadian 40th Armored

Interior Guard (Cadian equivalent of PDF/National Guard. Naturally, these are to a normal PDF what Custodes are to Space Marines)

Interior Guard 452th
Interior Guard 611th
Interior Guard 991th


High Command:

Colonel/Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed - Cadian 8th (Canon Character)

I think everybody knows who this is.

Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell - Cadian 8th (Canon Character)

Creed's assistant, aide and standard bearer. Has been with Creed for quite same time.

Maximillian Aitken - Commissar, Cadian 8th

Regimental Commissar of the 8th, Creed's best friend and one of the few Commissars Creed can tolerate. Rather laid back fellow, uncharacteristically for a Commissar, better at inspiration than fear.

Admiral Angus Quarren - Commander, Battlefleet Cadia (Canon Character)

Commander of the Battlefleet Cadia, the Imperial Navy detachment responsible for the security of the Cadian Gate.

Lieutenant Roland Hartow - Cadian 11th Armored

Tank commander. Saved Creed and the core of the 8th by quickly organizing a tank push. KIA during the attack on the Command Leviathan, by missile hit in his tank turret.

Crew of "Sharon's Boomstick"

Captain Sharon Vale - Commander of the Shadowsword tank "Blade of Fury"

Short redhead. Genki girl. Likes big boom. Sanity in question, but definitely competent. Said to have "made a Shadowsword do things usually done by either Titans or whole armored companies". In love with her tank. Feeling is returned.

Sergeant Lester Artorios - Driver

Former Sentinel pilot. Can make a tank tap dance.

Colour Sergeant Gerard "Guns" Steel - Head gunner

Former marksman. Likes sniping things with the Volcano cannon.

Sergeant Fred "Frets" Jett - Engineer

Greasemonkey. Keeps Blade of Fury running through anything. Frazzled, anxiety-driven, fussy. The Smart Guy.

Lance Corporal Dolph Herrings - Comms specialist

The buffer between the insanity that is the crew of the tank and the High Command. Will probably develop ulcer in some point of his life.

Frick, Ralph (KIA), Yuna, Nors, Tass - Privates, gunners

Assorted crew. Man the sponson guns and Lascannons. Answer to Guns primarily.

Squad Cole:

Sergeant Marcus Cole

Weapons: Chainsword, laspistol

Grizzled, veteran Cadian sergeant from Kasr Gerren. Salt and pepper hair, scruffy beard, extensive patchwork of scars. Looks older than he is. Mid forties. Expert with chainsword and crack shot with a laspistol.

Guardswoman Isabella Gordon (Voxcaster)

Weapons: lasgun, Catachan machete

A tall, brunette Amazonian beauty with the peculiar violet eyes seen frequently on Cadia. Quite attractive. Deadly with any knife. Enjoys close combat. Probably the physically strongest member of the squad along with Corporal Martin Uther.

Corporal Martin Uther (Meltagun)

Weapons: Meltagun, fists

Silent big guy. Not the wittiest guy around, but quite wise. Dislikes close combat. Closet pyromaniac. Likes his melta.

Corporal Judas Dane (Medic)

Weapons: lasgun, bayonet

Smartassed squad medic. Sharp mind, combat instincts of a stoned goat. Might hit the broadside of a Baneblade with a lot of luck and a targeting array or two. No formal education, but a lot of experience. Can keep the squad going as long as they are breathing.

Corporal Jenny Smiles (Grenade Launcher)

Weapons: Grenade launcher, which is big enough to clobber anyone the idiot Sergeant let near her to death, thank you very much.

Mid-forties, blonde woman with acerbic wit, sharp tongue and a disposition like a Catachan Devil. Completely at odds with her name.

Corporal Arthur Quinn (Grenade Launcher)

Weapons: Grenade launcher, any other explosive piece of junk he manages to acquire

Silent, shy, unassuming guy. Can lob a grenade through a pinhole. Closet pyromaniac, Arthur likes big boom. The reason sergeant keeps the hand grenade supply of the team in the hands of himself, Isabella (whom he is too shy to go near) and Jenny (whom he is just plain scared).

Guardsman Sebastian Keller
(squad marksman)

Weapons: Lasgun. And he's very good with it.

Crack shot with a lasgun. Squad believes he was a Vindicare in a past life. Something of a wit.

Guardsman Peter Flint (occasional pilot).

Weapons: Lasgun, the lascannon he stole from the Volscani, and anything the vehicle he gets in has.

Tech-head. Squad wonders why he isn't with the AdMech. Likes big guns, big engines, and speedy things. Drives like a nut, so he is not allowed in the cockpit of a mobile Chimera unless the sergeant is desperate.

- - -

I will extend this as I keep writing.


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