An Angry Man

I am not a rebel... I am just angry.

Dramatis Personae - 13th Black Crusade, Lovehammer edition
Since it seems I am creating OC's left and right to flesh out the Cadians for the 13th Black Crusade, I will post a preliminary Dramatis Personae here to make it easier to track.

Regiments involved in the Battle of Tyrok Fields:


Cadian 7th
Cadian 8th
Cadian 9th
Cadian 16th
Cadian 19th
Cadian 24th
Cadian 31st
Cadian 99th
Cadian 112th


Cadian 3rd Armored
---31st Heavy Company
---33rd Heavy Company
Cadian 11th Armored
---114th Heavy Company
Cadian 34th Armored
Cadian 40th Armored

Interior Guard (Cadian equivalent of PDF/National Guard. Naturally, these are to a normal PDF what Custodes are to Space Marines)

Interior Guard 452th
Interior Guard 611th
Interior Guard 991th


High Command:

Colonel/Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed - Cadian 8th (Canon Character)

I think everybody knows who this is.

Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell - Cadian 8th (Canon Character)

Creed's assistant, aide and standard bearer. Has been with Creed for quite same time.

Maximillian Aitken - Commissar, Cadian 8th

Regimental Commissar of the 8th, Creed's best friend and one of the few Commissars Creed can tolerate. Rather laid back fellow, uncharacteristically for a Commissar, better at inspiration than fear.

Admiral Angus Quarren - Commander, Battlefleet Cadia (Canon Character)

Commander of the Battlefleet Cadia, the Imperial Navy detachment responsible for the security of the Cadian Gate.

Lieutenant Roland Hartow - Cadian 11th Armored

Tank commander. Saved Creed and the core of the 8th by quickly organizing a tank push. KIA during the attack on the Command Leviathan, by missile hit in his tank turret.

Crew of "Sharon's Boomstick"

Captain Sharon Vale - Commander of the Shadowsword tank "Blade of Fury"

Short redhead. Genki girl. Likes big boom. Sanity in question, but definitely competent. Said to have "made a Shadowsword do things usually done by either Titans or whole armored companies". In love with her tank. Feeling is returned.

Sergeant Lester Artorios - Driver

Former Sentinel pilot. Can make a tank tap dance.

Colour Sergeant Gerard "Guns" Steel - Head gunner

Former marksman. Likes sniping things with the Volcano cannon.

Sergeant Fred "Frets" Jett - Engineer

Greasemonkey. Keeps Blade of Fury running through anything. Frazzled, anxiety-driven, fussy. The Smart Guy.

Lance Corporal Dolph Herrings - Comms specialist

The buffer between the insanity that is the crew of the tank and the High Command. Will probably develop ulcer in some point of his life.

Frick, Ralph (KIA), Yuna, Nors, Tass - Privates, gunners

Assorted crew. Man the sponson guns and Lascannons. Answer to Guns primarily.

Squad Cole:

Sergeant Marcus Cole

Weapons: Chainsword, laspistol

Grizzled, veteran Cadian sergeant from Kasr Gerren. Salt and pepper hair, scruffy beard, extensive patchwork of scars. Looks older than he is. Mid forties. Expert with chainsword and crack shot with a laspistol.

Guardswoman Isabella Gordon (Voxcaster)

Weapons: lasgun, Catachan machete

A tall, brunette Amazonian beauty with the peculiar violet eyes seen frequently on Cadia. Quite attractive. Deadly with any knife. Enjoys close combat. Probably the physically strongest member of the squad along with Corporal Martin Uther.

Corporal Martin Uther (Meltagun)

Weapons: Meltagun, fists

Silent big guy. Not the wittiest guy around, but quite wise. Dislikes close combat. Closet pyromaniac. Likes his melta.

Corporal Judas Dane (Medic)

Weapons: lasgun, bayonet

Smartassed squad medic. Sharp mind, combat instincts of a stoned goat. Might hit the broadside of a Baneblade with a lot of luck and a targeting array or two. No formal education, but a lot of experience. Can keep the squad going as long as they are breathing.

Corporal Jenny Smiles (Grenade Launcher)

Weapons: Grenade launcher, which is big enough to clobber anyone the idiot Sergeant let near her to death, thank you very much.

Mid-forties, blonde woman with acerbic wit, sharp tongue and a disposition like a Catachan Devil. Completely at odds with her name.

Corporal Arthur Quinn (Grenade Launcher)

Weapons: Grenade launcher, any other explosive piece of junk he manages to acquire

Silent, shy, unassuming guy. Can lob a grenade through a pinhole. Closet pyromaniac, Arthur likes big boom. The reason sergeant keeps the hand grenade supply of the team in the hands of himself, Isabella (whom he is too shy to go near) and Jenny (whom he is just plain scared).

Guardsman Sebastian Keller
(squad marksman)

Weapons: Lasgun. And he's very good with it.

Crack shot with a lasgun. Squad believes he was a Vindicare in a past life. Something of a wit.

Guardsman Peter Flint (occasional pilot).

Weapons: Lasgun, the lascannon he stole from the Volscani, and anything the vehicle he gets in has.

Tech-head. Squad wonders why he isn't with the AdMech. Likes big guns, big engines, and speedy things. Drives like a nut, so he is not allowed in the cockpit of a mobile Chimera unless the sergeant is desperate.

- - -

I will extend this as I keep writing.

Huh, back again...
It seems every couple of years inspiration strikes me and I find myself here, of all places, re-reading my stream of consciousness "articles" (more like whinings). They were suprisingly cathartic, my recollections tell me.

And I think I need that catharsis more than ever.

I just went through some of the worst phases of my life. I will not put it in writing here, for I have no desire to relive it, but I learned one thing: Devotion to the undeserving is torture.

Strangely enough, I am feeling inordinately motivated after so long. I am a man who never completes anything. Soon, I let the life flow by me and my motivation falls flat, and whatever I wish lies unfinished. This time, though, I am feeling motivated, and I write, I do things, I don't just let the world pass by anymore.

But I have people to thank for that. Strangely enough, not people I have been around, those who claimed to love me and care for me, but people that are barely more than complete strangers.

Weird. All it took was the lucky coincidence of two groups independently acting upon my life. One is "Lovehammer Inc.", the people gathered around one thread on the Spacebattles forum. Their positive attitude and feedback, not to mention the gems that keep appearing on the thread on a daily basis without fail for more than a month now, has kept my interest, and with that my motivation and spirit, active for quite some time now. It is a great feeling to create something of such beauty alongside such talented people, and I want to thank them for accepting a talentless hack like me.

The other bunch is the local gaming club, Kule Sakinleri (Dwellers of the Tower). And that place has become a refuge, thanks to the friendship and appreciation they display. It is a good feeling to have a place where everyone knows your name, and where you can just be yourself without anybody judging you. No agendas, just fun. I hate how needlessly Machiavellian human relationships are, and these people, both groups, display a refreshing, and sometimes shocking, sincerity I have not dared to expect from anyone for a long time.

This might look funny to any member of those groups, after all, probably those far better adjusted people just see it only as a bit of fun, nothing else, but thanks to them, I have been feeling a lot better than I have been for the last few years. And for that, even if they would forget me in a couple of months, I would treasure them and the memories for a long time.

Shadevari Fact File
I am still working on Shadevari. I like creating new worlds. So many possibilities...

Moral values... Well, mine mirror, to some extent, Heinlein's and Macchiavelli's... Shadevari will have similar sets. They would seem utterly immoral to the sexually-oriented moralists of our day (Those who think with the thing between their legs, I prefer calling them) as they have little concept of common decency or sexual discretion, nor do they possess any qualms about engaging in sexual acts that could be considered perversion unless it is pyschologically or physically damaging. This free attitude, even more than their nature itself,leads to their demonization by the organized religion. As for social values, they are a tightly-knit group with a tendency to construct a discreet, anarchistic society or follow the philosopher kings and queens that come from their ranks. Most of the time, Shadevari groups in a city form a loose collective, pooling resources and skills to the best of their ability, and using the wisest and most able member as the spokesperson and image of the group. Outwardly, they are quite Macchiavellian. Since a Shadevari demon is indistinguishable from a human by sight only, they freely mingle with the society of humans and other races, participating in their political and social processes. They grab power and hoard influence, primarily to increase the living quality of their people, but sometimes for personal enjoyment. They are a passionate race, and they sometimes sincerely wish for the best for those they mingle with, but the good of the race comes first, and this sometimes makes their manipulations dangerous and harmful.

"In a Country Where Flags Get Bigger, People Get Smaller"
This little title here is something I came across, and the meaning behind it struck me. The newest trend of radical nationalism that is starting to border on racism on one side and fascism on the other has been... disturbing, to say the least, and this captures the point exactly.

Al Quaeda scare in America, where NeoCons are effectively controlling the country and creating a mass-paranoia aimed at Muslims and other eastern people, like Hindus and Sikh. Resurgence of Fascism in Europe, with skinheads and Nazi-wannabes crawling out of the woodwork. The murder of Hrant Dink in Turkey (although the supposed defenders of the poor man are no better than those who shot him. Yes, I am talking about the Diaspora and its crocodile tears. They screamed for his blood just days bafore his senseless death. Same mentality waving a different flag.). And dozens more. Even with Latin America shining like a star of hope, the majority of the Western civilization is going down the drain, and fast.

As stupidity is prevalent amongst the people, I will try to put things in simplest terms.

Loving your nation is a good thing. Hating others because you love yours is not.

Valuing your own culture is a good thing. Disregarding or oppressing others is not.

In every human being, there is one common thing: The ability to think, to reason. Culture is valuable, as it chronicles the phases, the times a culture has gone through. Traditions are good things, as they keep a community together. But one must always keep one thing in mind regarding traditions and culture: No culture, no tradition, no belief, is more valuable than a human being.

I am not a pacifist, not by a long shot: I claim the right to defend myself, with lethal force, if that is warranted and needed. But no culture or tradition is worth more than a human being's rights: The right to live freely and decide her own fate. Thus, I am against any religion, tradition or school of thought that puts down people because what they are, disregarding who they are. So far, I noticed one common modus operandi in such actions: The division of people into us and them camps. Organized religion divides people into "believers" and "non-believers" or even "praised by -insert deity here-" and "cursed by -insert deity here-" (The apparent misogyny in Islam and Christianity is an example of this. And don't tell me fairy tales of equality in those two religions. A woman is responsible of the original sin, remember?). Racism divides people into "our race" and "inferiors". Thus, to me, there is no difference between religious fundamentalism, racism, or cultural elitism. They are all fascism. And fascism is the blight Western Society suffers from, a blight, if left unchecked, will devour the magnificent work built on the solid foundations laid down by the philosophers of old. If it allows itself to fall deeper into fascism, the Western Civilization will fall, and due to the nature of armaments available to the members of that civilization, the world might not survive that fall.

We are human. We share the same capacity to love, to think, to reason, to cooperate. Conflict might encourage a certain kind of growth, but it stunts growth in every other area. We can only progress beyond our meager bodies and small planet if we cooperate. We should not let this potential to go to waste.

Stream of consciousness... And hints of a story..

Janice Mia Starling... This is a name that had been flitting around my head for four years now. That name gave birth to two characters with similar characteristics but different natures, powers and settings. One already has a firm place amongst my Krsanthians, but the other... the other is finding her place slowly...

Shadevari are a race I have created for role-palying forums I have joined over the last couple of years: A race of shadow demons, with decidedly Lovecraftian inspirations. Actually, they were based on the vampires of the Lasombra clan, from the game Vampire: the Masquerade, but instead of vampiric, I made them demonic. A race which originated from the dimension of Abyss, which makes Dante's inferno look like a nursery, they are strong, deadly, cunning, and extremely dangerous.

The world they exist in is a mirror of our own, but, as you can already guess, darker -not that currently the world is a sunny place- and with supernatural blending in amongst the daily power struggle. There are various groups, some known as legend, like vampires or ghosts, some completely foreign and alien, like the demonic Shadevari or fae-like Huntresses.

I am not, at this moment, sure about everything I will put into this work, nor I am sure about the exact genre -It might have science-fiction elements in it next to fantasy, and horror might find its way in- but I am sure about some little points, like the inclusion of same-gender romance and some mystery. I'll see where this will go sometime soon... I hope...

Now this is a good one...

The movie, V for Vendetta, missed most of the true political subtext the graphic novel possessed. This site, named A for Anarchy, attempts to compensate for that shortcoming, and by doing that, creates a good place to start for people who want to learn about Anarchism. In our world, where corporations owned everything but (or in some cases, including) our bodies and souls, and fascism experienced an extremely unwanted and unneeded rebirth, it is a good alternative, an alternative that fills me with hope. It is good to know that some people still possess ideals.

Finally having the time to use this thing properly...
A hellish couple of years. Either long silences or long periods of intense activity that left my mind worn like a well-used tire. Not that I am complaining. As I progress further into my studies, I unravel things every day that were beyond my ability before. Human mind is a magnificent thing, simply beautiful. And the universe shares and reflects that beauty, a beauty that is only visible through the eyes of a human who knows how to use her eyes and mind. Not an easy task, nor a quick one, but it is worth dying for.

Humanity, however, leaves much to be desired...

How can humans be so dense? I am no great philosopher, nor a man of deep and long life experience, but through simple contemplation, and by showing a tiny amount of bravery to step into the unknown of mind and universe, I reach things so beautiful, so... magnificent. How can other humans fail to see that? How can my beloved species fail to see the simplest beauty in the universe, instead sullying it with overindulgence in base desires? As the simplest example, how can sex become such a disgusting, humiliating spectacle when it was the most beautiful and intense way of showing love and passion between partners? When did human curiosity became sullied with domination over others?

What happened to the beautiful music we were listening to?

I just unloaded some things from my chest to Eksi Sozluk. It was in Turkish, so I felt the need to translate it so more can see it. If I spend time and energy to scream, I'd like to be heard.

We live in a strange society, in a strange age...

On one hand, we have an individuality phenomenon. Heh, more like a trend of Egoism. The world consists of Us, and others. "Every man for himself!" we scream. What happened to trust? Friendship? Loyalty? Chivalry? (First idiot that says such concepts are outdated will be shot.) We expect a payment for everything we do, and those payments are nearly always material. We expect a trade... What happened to charity? Even our charity is a show: We expect social stature from acts of charity. We expect something from a little act of kindness... Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is disgusting.

On the other hand, we have our society, which is in the process of globalization. We become a herd of beasts! We twisted the need to belong into such perversion that we change our thoughts, our tastes, our appearences, the very fabric of our being to resemble others. We claim to be individuals, but we force ourselves into a mold determined by others. Hypocrisy, definitely. Even then, we only come together to throttle anyone not like ourselves, to smother and destroy every deviation from accepted norm. In other times, we are at each others' throats, because our interests demand that. We eventually become statistics, expendable numbers on a piece of paper for those who rule to play with as they see fit.

Come on... Are we animals? Are we a pack of wild dogs, tearing each other apart over a scrap of meat, or a herd of sheep who looks over without caring while one of our own was being torn apart by wolves? We are human. We deserve better. We ARE better...

All for one and one for all... We are a collection of individuals, our distinctiveness, uniqueness blending together to make a society. We all bring our unique flavors, colors to the mix. We are all indispensable, we are all valuable. No one has the right to condemn anyone over a belief, a question of taste, an idea, unless it affects another human, or unless it is self-destructive to the extreme, as it is a society's duty to help those members in need. We fight together, if we fight, we die together, if we die, we drink together, we sing together... Is it so hard?

Echoes of the Void
Echoes of the Void chapter two is coming along, together with a couple of one shots. License to Kill will be along in a couple of days. I am sleepy and I hate weekends. (I work at weekends.) Lots of idiots flow through the damn place. Well, s**t happens.

Krsanthian Facts:

A Krsanthian is either created at the starting fire of an universe, or is born from the merging of two compatible Krsanthians. Half-breeds are created this way.


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